Why Going Abroad {alone} Is the Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself

Two months ago when I arrived in France if you told me I’d be writing this article I would have laughed (or probably cried) in your face, because two months ago I was alone, homesick, and second guessing my decision to go abroad. When you talk to people about their study abroad experience, it’s pretty much the same story every time. “I loved it!” “It was the most amazing experience!” “I made the best friends!” “You HAVE to do it!” Sometimes you ask these people, “was it difficult not knowing the language?” and they reply, “No! You don’t need to know the language, everyone speaks English!” And when you hear these things, you get jealous and promise yourself you’ll study abroad while you’re in college. The thing is, going abroad with a group of students is an entirely different experience than moving to a foreign country alone, something I learned the hard way.

When you study abroad, you’re surrounded by other students. You don’t need to know the country’s native language, and you don’t need to worry about how you’ll meet people. You’re put in an apartment with roommates and invited to a selection of events to begin your semester abroad. You’re surrounded by other students in your classes, and whether or not they become your best friends, at least you have them to interact with and grab a bite to eat. When I made the decision to work abroad for 6 months, I envisioned this traditional study abroad experience. I failed to recognize how different it would be for me to come to a foreign country completely alone, living alone, with no “built-in” friends. After spending a few weeks jet-lagged, missing home, and wondering why on earth I chose to do this, I flipped a switch and decided to make this the growth opportunity of a lifetime. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way.

1. The thing about being alone is that you’re forced to spend time with yourself. In this day and age, it feels as though everyone is scared to be alone. We are always inviting others to grab coffee before class, go out for a drink after work, come over for dinner and a movie. We are obsessed with connecting to others – whether it is in person or over social media, we are never disconnected. The problem is that the more connnected we are to others, the less connected we are to ourselves. I’m not saying that connecting to others is a bad thing; it is extremely important to have friends and to communicate with other people, share thoughts and ideas, enjoy the company of other people. What I am saying is that the more you get to know yourself, the less lonely you’ll feel when you are alone. Although it isn’t the same as having other people around, you can actually become your own friend and enjoy your own company. This is the most important lesson I have learned from this experience; how to become my own friend and truly enjoy being with myself.
2. It’s important to keep an open mind. I’ve always considered myself an open-minded person; growing up I was always friends with all different groups of people, I never fit into one mold and I didn’t want to. I played sports and was friends with just about everyone at my school, but I was also a member of three honors societies; I loved math and science, but I also loved art and cooking; I liked to party and go out with friends, but I also liked hanging out with my parents on a Saturday night. My time abroad has made me realize that there’s a difference between being a diverse person and being open-minded. Although I have always been a diverse person, it was always my choice, within my control. If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ve heard me use the phrase comfort zone a lot. Growing up, I didn’t spend much time outside my comfort zone, and even when I did it still felt comfortable because I knew I’d be returning to my comfort zone as soon as I went home for the night. When you go abroad alone, you’re commiting yourself to spending an indefinite amount of time continuously outside your comfort zone until it  eventually stretches and expands, or bursts altogether. Although this transition is difficult, it is completely worth it when you wake up one day feeling like a brand new person.

So, what is comes down to is two things. Two little goals to think about every morning when you wake up, every night before you go to sleep, and every second in between.

• Become friends with yourself
• Expand your comfort zone

Personally, I am not done learning either of these lessons. Each day is a growing opportunity for me, and every night when I go to bed I can smile knowing that I’ve made even a tiny bit of progress. Happiness is not handed to us, it’s made by us. My closest friends will laugh when they read this because they know I’ve always lived by this quote…

Get out there and make your own happiness.